Many years ago I was taking a stroll with a friend of mine through our neighborhood. We stopped to talk to a mutual friend of ours. I remember somebody drove by in a car so recklessly with loud music blasting through the speakers. The driver was a young guy, just about my age. Even before the dust the speeding car left in its trail could settle, my friend remarked ‘you will never see the legitimate owner of a car drive like that’. It is amazing how a seemingly baseless statistic could contain so much truth.

Sometimes showmanship is the evidence of the absence of legitimacy

You have to understand that this happened so many years ago – maybe between 2003 and 2005. I still remember the quote because I have applied it to so many areas of life and time and time again it proves to be so true. The reality the quote discloses best describes how I feel about sex tapes. Guy, if you were having legitimate sex, there wouldn’t be a need to tape it to show it to your boys as proof of anything. It is as simple as that. There is no point to prove when it is legitimate. There is absolutely no need to impress a third party if it is legitimate. Usually, people tend to show off when what they are doing isn’t permissible. I have a few married friends and they need not send me a video tape of what they do under the sheets because I already know they do it – rightfully and ‘legally’. There have been stories of married couples taking videos of themselves while at it. It doesn’t concern anybody what married people choose to do in their bedrooms. It only becomes an issue if they carelessly let it slip into the hands of a third party. Now back to the point I was making, since society has managed to deceive many into thinking sex is a precious thing only smart guys can steal from girls, why won’t boys want to show unquestionable proof when they do achieve that ‘feat’? I have heard so many stories of guys lying to their friends that they slept with a particular girl. Since the first of such stories was found out to be a lie, the brethren sat down to develop a new strategy: a way to produce evidence that would silence all doubts. Ladies and gentlemen, that is how sex tapes came about.  

‘Sex tape’ is a genre of porn. ‘Sex tape’ is guiltless porn. ‘Sex tape’ is an amateur home-made porn. ‘Sex tape’ is porn with familiar faces. ‘Sex tape’ is unscripted-porn – so it is probably more enjoyable because you know they are not acting. Sex tapes  invoke pity – usually for the lady – therefore people think it is ok to watch it in order to express how deeply hurt they also are by the actions of the guy.

Sex tapes are worse than porn. Sex tapes are evil!

The thing about porn is, usually, the people involved signed up for it. They actually hope and fervently pray the whole world gets to see them doing whatever – for the money. With sex tapes, one party’s desire for street credibility tarnishes the image, taints the reputation and scars the other party emotionally and psychologically for life!

Well, I know there have been a few cases where the lady in the video appears very much aware the act is being taped. Not to jump to the defence of such ladies, but even if she knew, I doubt she would agree to the idea of the video going viral online. I am yet to read about a sex tape that was initiated by a girl to tarnish the image of a guy. It is always the guy. Why? Biblically, guys are held to a higher sexual purity standard than women, per my understanding of the text. (I have spoken extensively about it in this blog). Therefore until we submit to divine standards for sex and purity, we will never see the end of this.

“[M]odern science allows us to understand that the underlying nature of an addiction to pornography is chemically nearly identical to a heroin addiction.” – Dr. Jeffrey Satinover

Addiction to porn is a field of study on its own. I’m hoping God will grant me grace to talk about it sometime soon. No matter how pious a guy is, I will not be shocked if he opens up and tells me he is battling addiction to porn or has done so in the past. What would shock me is if a guy about my age, says he hasn’t ever battled porn addiction before. It is that serious. I watched a TEDx video sometime ago that changed my perception about the porn industry. The speaker defines porn as ‘visualized sex slavery/ prostitution’. He stated that most of the girls in the videos are actually doing it against their own will. There is somebody benefiting tremendously while these girls go through all the abuse in full global glare. Hence, the speaker resolved to refrain from watching porn. I certainly cannot tell how long this resolve would last, but I found his speech quite remarkable. To some extent, this information may deter somebody from watching porn for a while, because it feels like you are endorsing, encouraging and financially contributing to sex trafficking. The abusive and appalling story behind the porn flick may deter you. But what if the story isn’t that appalling? Does it mean you can watch it? This is one of the reasons why people enjoy sex tapes and actually store lots of them in folders on their PCs. The story behind most sex tapes is that of payback or revenge – which makes it ‘exciting’ to watch. Some jilted lover’s attempt at getting back at his ex he still sleeps with. Some guys actually team up to do it. Yo, it is so not cool. The internet never forgets. One day it will all come back to haunt you.

• Let’s not share the videos when they come out. The director of the sex tape, the viewer and the sharer are all voluntary promoters of this genre of porn. You are very much a part of the problem if you watch and share the videos.
• Let’s not allow ourselves to be taped no matter how deeply we think we are in love. The lady in the first sex tape that was ever made, thought she was in love too.
• There is a reason why bathroom windows are small and way up the wall. In fact, it is not love if he/she is asking for nudes and perv stuff like that.

I can’t trust the conscience of a human being. It takes a higher power and force to keep us all in check. What can end this menace? I don’t know. One thing I know is, you have no business stripping before anybody who hasn’t vowed before the Lord to live with you till death. Safety first, stay pure.